The Death of the Childhood Dream

Teaching is fun when the students are having fun.

I teach ESL to Japanese MT and ThF.
I teach English 1 and 3 and Philippines Literature MWF at a state University.

Recently, we were made to write something at school.

I am a student every saturday.

We were told to write down our insights on what we've already learned as of now.

I ended up saying, that students are all gold, some may look as if coal, but we just have to look better at them, and polish them that they may see their own worth as well in that way they can shine brighter.

On my last post, I said that I lost my dream of becoming a teacher when I had to move to a different school because I felt so unimportant. The teachers in that school were there not to teach but to earn money. They sell stuff to the students like sweets and other things in exchange for additional grades, some of them are being given sacks of rice or groceries that those kids would have honors in class, and a lot of them don't really pay attention to the students, rather they just write on the board and finish the class.

That broke my heart.

I started noticing more the weaknesses they were trying to cover with strictness. I started wanting to make them see that I know better than they know. I challenged them with both academics and reasoning. There were times where I just want to trip one of them, or something ... else. I knew I was being mean. But I was getting good grades. I just didn't like them at all. Knowing that they're like that, made me hate to think that I would even thought of being a teacher before.

The child who dreamt that disappeared.

No more innocence.

No more love for it.

So why do I teach now?

How is it that I can say I love teaching?