OCD is raining terror on my blog.

When I made this blog, I promised myself that I would actually keep it.
I have many things I want to write about.
The problem is my half OCD and half ADHD.

What is OCD?

Obsessive–Compulsive Disorder is an anxiety disorder. Some signs and symbols of this are paranoia as well as compulsions. But the thing most common and dominant is the fixation to details. There is a want to organize things, to do things in a certain manner meticulously. Though being a perfectionist doesn't make you an OCD patient right away. This is already used a a lexicon meaning.

What is ADHD?

Attention Deficit Hyperactivity Disorder is primarily characterized by the existence of both attention problems and hyperactivity. Here a person has a hard time keeping focus on only one thing because her mind wonders away to other things that she notices or that can occupy her. Therefore not being able to finish what she has started first.

As it is human nature to blame others... I blame those two disorders. > <
Why? It is because when i started this blog, I posted the first one at 12mn.
Therefore my OCD is pushing me to ONLY post during 12mn, and if it's before or past that I have no drive to do it at all. But my ADHD is making me do so many things at the same time that occupies my time, therefore I cannot watch the exact time I should be making my posts.

I need help. T^T
But anyway, now I will post whenever I want, when I feel like it.
Hopefully.

Now I make my own time.
I won't let it distort the reality that I want.

It won't wait for me, I know.

But I shall be a slave to time no more.

Friday

It was good. (for me)
No this is not a R.BLACK song.
I don't like her.

If you remember I posted about "Cramming" the last time, so Friday, I decided that I would take a day off, to finish papers and everything. (I finished making the exam Friday at 2AM or so, yay me~) Then, I planned to go out of the house at 3PM, but I forgot that I still need to print the test papers! *facepalm*

So I scurried to print them out.
It was definitely taking a lot of time. There were 4 pages for each of the 34 students, plus my copy, so 35 copies. There were a lot of waiting and staple wires.

Before I was able to get my blazer (too look professional; of sort), my sister arrived home.
SIS: Where are you going?! Classes are suspended. There's a fire, and there are a lot of fire trucks there.

I asked her the whole story. Turns our that it was just 'near' the University, sooooo i still went there. When I got there, there were so many fire trucks, the students are all outside the school buildings, and after 15 minutes of being there, the classes were announced to be suspended.

Tell me again,
"WHY DID I CRAM?"

JUST STOP PROCRASTINATING.

Oh. It was good because it was an unexpected whole day off.

And I ate KFC with my sister.
No one was hurt... (at school).
I hope there were not much casualties > < or it'll make me feel guilty for having fun. T^T

Cramming

Have you ever done this in your life?
Are you the time of person who would always plan ahead.
And actually do things ahead of time.
That you'd be able to relax afterwards?

I plan ahead.
I know what I should do.

Then I procrastinate.
What better way to explain this but by using an illustration.

In psychology, procrastination refers to the act of replacing high-priority actions with tasks of low-priority, and thus putting off important tasks to a later time.

Some psychologists cite such behavior as a mechanism for coping with the anxiety associated with starting or completing any task or decision.

Do you think that it would be just being lazy?
I would most probably guess so.

PROCRASTINATION MAY BE A SIGN OF ADHD.
I really do think I have it though. > <

Please be not like me.

I really have a huge tendency to procrastinate.

I need to go back to making an exam for my students now.

> <

The Birth of the New Otaku

I am happy as I am.

In this area of my life at least I am proud that I am me.

And I won't let anyone tell me otherwise.

Many people would see me as not normal. How I spend money on things that are related to anime, or manga, or jpop, or anything Japanese. They say I like it just because its from Japan. That is not true.

I love Japan's culture. I really do. But that doesn't mean that there aren't things that I dislike. The fact that I can never understand the so-called aesthetic beauty and romantic elements of yaoi or BL (boys love) is the number 1 no-no for me. I would get onto to this next time.

Now, this 'phase' as people want to call it, started when I was still so very young. I have always loved those TV programs I relentlessly watched. The shows like Sailormoon, Zenki, Akazukin Cha Cha, Dragon Ball, Lupin III, Fushigi Yuugi, Yu Yu Hakusho, Recca, Ranma 1/2, even Georgie were a big part of my elementary school years. They were my escape from school, from being scolded everyday, and from reality.

It was more than a past-time, I understood the things they were going through; sounds crazy but yeah. I would sing songs that I don't know the meaning of; I didn't even know that it was called anime until I was in 5th grade.

In High School I continued growing up with Inu Yasha and Kagome and searched the Shikon no Tama with them. I journeyed toward the West with Genjo Sanzo, Son Goku, Sha Gojyo, and Cho Hakkai and killed demons along the way. I was with Haru and Elli during their quest to become the RAVE Master. I learned the beginnings of humanoid Personal Computers with Chii and Hideki. I became a student of a radical Teacher Onizuka in his dream to be the greatest instructor ever.

I learn about life.

Who says that its all about fantasy?

No. It's about looking beyond what you see, and looking through all the puns and slapstick and finally being able to really understand the lesson that you get about how to live, how to make friends and keep them, how to be able to be more humane in our wild jungled life on Earth.

I am proud to be an Otaku. I am happy liking what I like. I get along with many by being me, more than by hiding myself in the shadows. I like anime, manga and jpop. And I cosplay too. Got a problem with that?

Being an Otaku ME won't affect the ME as a teacher.

This and that are separate things.

But you will never comprehend what I am saying,

unless you give it a try.

We're all entitled to our own beliefs and interests.

RESPECT that.

Don't judge.

What is an Otaku?

Otaku (お宅 / おたく) is a Japanese word that originally refers to another's "home" or family.

Animators like Haruhiko Mikimoto and Shōji Kawamori used the term among themselves as an honorific second-person pronoun since the late 1970s.

But later, it is used to people who has interests in things that are done at home.
Such as watching anime, reading manga, and playing video games.

Who would've known?

In modern times though, the word "otaku" has now been widely used as a Japanese slang which mean "geek". The connotation of it is that it's only for people who're addicted to anime, manga, cosplay and video games. But this word can also be used to people who is a "fan" of a certain hobby or past time, even for watching sports, cooking food, shopping, and even martial arts.

The former Prime Minister of Japan Taro Aso also claimed himself to be an otaku, using this subculture to promote Japan in foreign affairs.

Sadly the word has turned to be an offensive term used for people who're set apart from the world because of liking something that is not the 'reality'.

Stop the ignorant stereotyping.

The Death of the Childhood Dream

Teaching is fun when the students are having fun.

I teach ESL to Japanese MT and ThF.
I teach English 1 and 3 and Philippines Literature MWF at a state University.

Recently, we were made to write something at school.

I am a student every saturday.

We were told to write down our insights on what we've already learned as of now.

I ended up saying, that students are all gold, some may look as if coal, but we just have to look better at them, and polish them that they may see their own worth as well in that way they can shine brighter.

On my last post, I said that I lost my dream of becoming a teacher when I had to move to a different school because I felt so unimportant. The teachers in that school were there not to teach but to earn money. They sell stuff to the students like sweets and other things in exchange for additional grades, some of them are being given sacks of rice or groceries that those kids would have honors in class, and a lot of them don't really pay attention to the students, rather they just write on the board and finish the class.

That broke my heart.

I started noticing more the weaknesses they were trying to cover with strictness. I started wanting to make them see that I know better than they know. I challenged them with both academics and reasoning. There were times where I just want to trip one of them, or something ... else. I knew I was being mean. But I was getting good grades. I just didn't like them at all. Knowing that they're like that, made me hate to think that I would even thought of being a teacher before.

The child who dreamt that disappeared.

No more innocence.

No more love for it.

So why do I teach now?

How is it that I can say I love teaching?

Who Am I?

I teach because I want to share.

I teach because I want to inspire.

I teach because I want to make students smile.

I have always wanted to be a teacher when I was a little girl. I'm one of the children who goes home after school and still play "school" with cousins and friends. I have the small blackboard with ABCs and 123s on it, I have my own chalk, white and colored, and my little eraser.

The dream disappeared when I had to transfer schools when I was in 4th grade elementary school. It was because of moving to a new house. The new school was far apart from my old school, and I felt so unimportant. I hated the teachers; most of them anyways. I drifted away from the dream and concentrated on ME.

I watched more TV programs than studying, I memorize lines on anime more than lectures, I drowned in my new love which was anime. The more I got into it, the more I love the culture of Japan. I begin to be addicted to it, to spend on it, to have it as a habit, to have it engulf my life. I became an otaku. But I will talk on that later.

Who would've thought that I would still pursue the teaching career after so long?

But I'll stop at this for now.

This post officially opens my blog; my story.

My journey on the path of being a teacher, being an otaku, being me.

writing and blogging: different mediums;

same heart.